A few months back, I met someone. You know how that happens …….. a sensation of shared interests, an emphasis of similar viewpoints on the world and its meaning, and a deep level of physical attraction. However, there was something that hindered the friendship from progressing, and that’s when she did something about it……
It’s an interesting interaction, where people will do things to partially alter another’s perception of themselves. However, it’s still this uncomfortable mentality where one can utilize such deception (and harmlessly rationalizing it later) to fulfill an unconscious desire. And thus, this act has led me Tomassi’s second book in the series: The Rational Male.
If you are ACTUALLY following my book reviews, you will know that I read the first book a year or so ago (and reviewed it, of course). It reminded me of all the occurrences between myself and my prior long-term relationships. Rollo’s books describe how the struggles between an man and a women are theoretically rooted from the neural networks that make us male and female.
This book is SIGNIFICANTLY more organized and thought-out than the first novel. It initializes with a feminine timeline, the typical phases a woman will undergo, and the book will tie these understandings to the many common trends our society portrays (sorority dreams, 7 year itches, mid-life crises). All of these concepts are driven between a woman’s struggle in finding a suitable mate. I personally find the first paragraph of the book very insightful:
“There are methods and social contrivances women have used or centuries to ensure that the best male’s genes are selected and secured with the best male provision she’s subjectively capable of attracting. Ideally the best man should exemplify the best of both aspects, but rarely do the two exist in the same male (particularly these days), so in the interest of achieving her biological imperative, and prompted by an innate need for security, the feminine as a whole needed to develop social conventions and methodologies …. to effect optimizing women’s Hypergamy.” (page 29)
Thus, to bear the most successful offspring, a mother will obtain the best Nature (sex) and Nurture (support) that life can offer her. And as she grows in wisdom, her attraction will shift from physical appearances (sex) to social status (support)……and then the pendulum swings a couple more times. You can see a rough timeline of these phases in the figure below:
As a female comes out of high school, she starts to realize the peak years of her attractiveness. People, men and women, give her more attention, and plentiful opportunities in life (not just courtship) open up to her. This can be where anything is possible…….until age starts to play its role. When the decline in attractiveness occurs, women start to strongly “enforce long-term relationship requirements” (sometimes the opposite of what they preached of themselves a few years back). This is where the first long-term shift in a women’s sexual focus occurs. However, most men make the mistake of sacrificing too much of themselves for their partner, lose their sense of self-worth, and find their sacrifices in-vain as their prior partner abandons them for another with rampart “alpha male” traits that he didn’t maintain in his own life. I promised myself that I would never make that mistake again.
While a women’s attraction to men is highly dependent on her “youth and fertility,” females desire both the sex and support described earlier in this post. This peak in attractiveness occurs at a much later age for a male, where he still retains his strength and looks but now has money, status, and “toys” that add to his self-worth. Thus, illustrated in the image below, we can see a ~10 year difference between a guy’s and gal’s peak sexual market value (SMV) to attract the best mate. Thus, the common trend of older men dating/marrying younger women…….
This is where the “Feminine Imperative” comes into play. Beyond the standard desires to acquire the best genes and the most support for raising children (even if it’s not from the same man), the society has evolved to favor the female sex in the favor of “extending” the female’s peak years to her advantage. This has nothing to do with “glass ceilings” or “pay balance” but an underlying assumption in this society that MEN have to sacrifice and perform significantly more than women do. They must constantly perform, demonstrate status, and improve themselves to be judged positively. And men are always judged.
A women can sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix, but it doesn’t matter as long as she still looks good. The same cannot be stated for men. And whatever he does to sustain himself and his friends/family, the work put into is taken for granted because males need to “Man Up.”
This book isn’t a “hate post” on the female psychology. Instead, it is an open conversation portraying standard observations from millions of men (and women) around the world and coming to an understanding behind the reasons for these occurrences. The evolutionary-enforced trends that arise from our primal ancestry have resulted in the human race we are today.
The book is (possibly) written in a very aggressive fashion, not including the high level of vocabulary the author decides to implement in his chapters. Part of it is in the pain that he and many others have felt, resulting for a cry for help and assurance that there’s a way out. I’ve been a beta most of my life……..and mostly still am. I catch myself in the act and am slowly relearning my actions and expectations from others …… even if means assuming that women will still attempt to take advantage of my naivete.
Regardless, the one thing that I want from my life is some sort of motive and drive…. a reason for my existence. It’s my current #1 mental struggle, a state of unknowns including where to go and how high to aim. Do I maintain my current personal status and watch as everything slowly degrades to time and entropy, or do I fully turn around and build something new. Regardless, Rollo makes a very strong statement that reflects these internal conflicts of mine:
“I think that the primary lesson of Game is that one needs to have a life and purpose that makes a man happy and determined to wake up every morning. Once a man takes control of his life, then a women becomes an interchangeable part of it like anything else. The road to that state only lies through relentless self-improvement and the shedding of prior limitations. Otherwise, the same brutal cycle repeats itself” (page 170).
Goodnight, my cruel …… yet beautiful world.